FACEDOWN IN THE DIRT

When Life Throws You Off Your Steady Horse, Project 444 : A New Offering, 5 Things Worth Sharing, and more...

May 03, 2022

I suppose now that I live in Colorado, I will be more apt to use horse metaphors? Or it could be the additional influence of watching Yellowstone and 1883 back to back recently.

But back on topic.

April THREW me. And not in a cute way like the photo below.

This is what happens, or can happen at least, when you go blindly trotting into your past. When you begin to open up the stories from long ago and journey with those memories again, some of them will simply knock you flat out on your butt. It ain’t pretty.

The process of healing can be beautiful, and it can be brutal at times. It is always beneficial. My teacher Padre Richard Rohr says that we are transformed by only two things: great love and great suffering. We become increasingly fluent in both languages.

This is the work of healing and transformation. This is the spiritual path. This is recovery. When you decide to mount this steed, the one who will carry you through the journey of seeking truth and honestly examining your story, you’d better be ready for all kinds of rides - saunters, sudden stops, great freeing gallops with arms in the air, and those moments when you land face down and you’re spitting dirt. You’ll be sore for awhile afterward.

It’s easy to tell you that you’d better strap on. But even so there will be no guarantee that you won’t be thrown off your center and out of the saddle again. In fact, I’d feel safer in saying you’ll be thrown no matter what. No matter how diligently you think you have prepared. Or how great a rider you think you are. Or how long you’ve been riding. It will not matter. It’s simply how this trail works. I know you’d rather not hear that and I get it. We’d all rather imagine a steady lope across flower-filled meadows, sun on our face, warm breezes blowing our hair behind us. We’ve worked hard to avoid being hurdled through the air and landing in the manure. I hope you will believe me, friend, when I say that there are jewels even there.

Some good news: Once you decide that you will do the work no matter what may come, the universe conspires to support you, as they say. Honestly. Once I decided that I was committed to the work and trusted that my Higher Power would be with me through it all, my life was flooded with tangible support.

The first major gifting was being accepted into The Living School. I also somehow “stumbled upon” particular writing coaches, a wonderful therapist, healing circles, programs, authors, new friendships and spiritual companions. I was even given, in one evening last spring, quite unexpectedly, the entire content for a 12-week circle that I would facilitate. I held space for women to experience and explore a multitude of creative and spiritual practices together as we worked to begin to deepen into and heal one of our stories. It was never my intention to lead a circle last year, but it was clear it was a spiritual assignment and I accepted it. And I am so grateful that I did.

As my acting teacher Larry Silverberg used to say, there is joy on the other side of the difficulty.

I am smiling now, on the other side of last month’s rough ride. I wasn’t then, of course. I had days where I cussed and kicked and cried like a true cowgirl. I spent hours and days in a dry emotional landscape without much water. It is not easy to sit with hard feelings for long periods at a time. We’d much rather feel good. But instead of falling into my old patterns of denying my feelings, numbing them, or distracting myself, I let them work in me and on me. I accepted the process with as much grace as I could muster, knowing it is all working together for my good. Even when I wanted to spit in anger. (Maybe I did? )

I am feeling better now but I don’t intend to get too comfortable just yet. I know that I will be tossed again, and it’s alright. I know I am stronger for that April ride. Clearer. Truer. Eyes and heart more open. Awake and taking it all in. I accept the next part of the ride, come what may. I can even welcome it.

💚NEW OFFERING COMING SOON 💚

PROJECT 444 begins in JUNE.

For those of you longing for a community and accessible support for writing and healing your stories for yourself, your family, and your lineage - this is for you. If you want to explore your stories for inspiration for your film, a creative project, or to jumpstart your spiritual memoir- this is for you. If you want to be introduced to creative-spiritual practices to deepen your connection to yourself and your healing- this is for you.

In Project 444 we will cultivate creative rhythms, embody healing practices, and explore expressive exercises that draw forth the living truths of our unique story.

PROJECT 444
4 month guided program + community support. Hosted off social media on Mighty Networks.
4 email teachings a month with weekly themes, inspiration and prompts delivered straight to your inbox.
4 live 2 -hour calls with creative and spiritual practices, teachings, and break out groups for discussion ( On Zoom).

Optional Encouragement/ Accountability Goal: : Write 444 words ( or more) at least 4x a week and share one #444 story each week with our community on our private network.

All paid newsletter subscribers receive a discount on the program.

To join the waiting list for Project 444 : Go here

5 THINGS WORTH SHARING:

We croak app. Finding happiness by contemplating your death. Periodic quotes to keep you awake to your life and your death. Each day, they’ll send you five invitations at randomized times to stop and think about death. It’s based on a Bhutanese folk saying that to be a happy person one must contemplate death five times daily.
A one-on-one English program for Ukrainian youth. You can participate from home. I’m considering participating in the program.
1883 - the series on Hulu. A complex female protagonist and um, Sam Elliot. ‘Nuff said. My favorite series of the last year on a topic I might not normally be drawn to and yet the storytelling won me over.
Powerful new anthem by Florence + the Machine. Dedicated to the spirit, creativity and perseverance of our brave Ukrainian friends.Filmed in Kiev in Nov 2021 with Ukrainian filmmakers and artists. Bill Nighy stars with her as her anxiety. FREE!
If you aren’t already listening to Brene’ Brown’s podcast Unlocking Us, you might want to tune in. She interviews Padre Richard Rohr in a two-part series. Listen in to the sweet voice of my teacher. You’ll get a taste of what it’s like to be his student. I still pinch myself that I get to learn directly from him for two years.
RON’S WORLD:
April might have been a beast but it ended with a bang! Ron and I celebrated 39 years of marriage with some of our dearests. When one of them asked him for advice on our long-term relationship, he said “ You’ve gotta laugh together!” He makes me laugh every day and my world is better for it. And I do love him so.