I AM WRITING A BOOK.

Five words it’s taken a long time to say out loud. Even to myself.

Dear Friends,

Well, here we go. I have accepted what for me feels like an undeniable assignment. Just as the call to be a part of The Living School over the past two years has been. 

I AM WRITING A BOOK.

And I am calling it what it is. I am no longer soft-pedaling the scope of the full assignment with phrases like “writing some of my stories” or “processing memories.” Every step I have taken in this healing process, every memory I have opened myself up to explore and then followed through to write has been crucial to leading me here. Now I am committed to taking the next leap into the unknown. I commit to the work of this book over the long haul, not knowing how long that haul may be. I accept without knowing any of the answers in advance.

I will no longer delay in distraction, denial, or indecision. If not now, when? Actually, just yesterday the voice of resistance told me, “You know, seriously, why don’t you wait until you are older and have a wiser perspective? You’ll have more to offer.” 

Waiting until we know more. This one can snag most of us and seems rational enough on the surface. Looking deeper, we find it to be just another delaying tactic born of fear and insecurity. We want what we create to be good, useful, even appreciated. Those words will stop us in our tracks. We know in reality that there will always be more to learn as well as unlearn. There will always be new ways of seeing. The call to do the healing work of writing this book is inescapable and I will trust the timing of the call. As Jim Finley says, “I will not break faith with my awakened heart.” I have dallied with the idea for long enough.

TELL YOUR STORY. The call is clear, direct, and persistent. Even relentless. I have lovingly set aside the creation of any new projects or programs this year to tend to my own transformational storytelling.

I am writing the story of the early years of my life. Or at least that is the starting point. I will follow where it leads. Creative projects have a way of taking on a life of their own and sometimes we run behind them trying to catch up only to have them turn around and chase us!

I am writing a story with a beautiful, unfinished ending because that’s what I am living right now. But it did not always feel that way. There were dark stories hidden deep inside that needed to be brought into the light. There are family mysteries to wrestle with that may never be solved, but the wrestling is valuable and so incredibly liberating. I am committed to generational healing in my family.

I will not decide in advance what I will do with it once written. Maybe I will publish it and maybe not. Maybe it will ultimately be shared widely and maybe it will be just for an intimate circle of family and closest friends. That simply cannot be the focus right now because it slows me down ( and not in a contemplative way) and keeps me spiraling ( also not in a contemplative way!) But I will share it in some manner eventually, because for me “TELL YOUR STORY” doesn’t mean write it and hide it. It presupposes an act of communicating it to others. I suppose we each will face the decision whether or not to share our personal narratives and with whom. It’s all so very personal. For myself, I recognize what I am being asked to do.

That said, I love a concept I first heard attributed to memoirist, Dani Shapiro. It goes something along the lines of “Even if you write your memoir and hide it under the bed, you are helping to heal the world.” I think that too is true.

UPDATE: In case you missed it last week , I announced the changes I am making in the frequency and focus of the newsletter for the next year. I will send out two free newsletters a month, and an additional third and more intimate newsletter to my paid subscribers. I’ll split my time between writing the book one week and writing the newsletter the next, in order to share this unfolding process with you.

And off we go.

I will step all the way into the water, no matter the depth or duration, knowing I do not enter the water alone. We never write alone.

I appreciate all your good thoughts, intentions and if you’re the praying type, I’d appreciate yours. Thank you. <3

xo Mary

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