IT CANNOT BE AVOIDED
Showing up and sharing as you go, recognizing the inescapable strum of your vocation, journal prompts, and 3 things worth sharing...
So here we are, friend. It’s been a painful week in the world. May I say thank you again for being here with me? We strengthen each other through our companionship. Thank you. Please join me in praying for peace. May we pray with our hands, pray with our hearts, pray with our feet, pray with our art.
Now, to this week’s newsletter…
There is a lot pouring through me right now so strap in. To help you follow along I have broken it up into three parts:
Showing up in process while you learn something new
Being willing to listen to your life and embrace your spiritual assignment
How those two things intersect
Off we go!
Part 1: SHOWING UP AND SHARING AS YOU GO
My dear friend Wanetah and I were chatting last week about how it takes courage to show up and share your journey as you are learning something new. We tend to want to wait until it’s all polished and pretty before we share anything publicly. Most of us don’t want to share the rough footage, we want to wait until we can wow them with the highlights reel.
Wanetah is learning guitar and shares her practice sessions publicly, which allows people to see her progress as well as her imperfect practice. While it does provide her with some desired accountability, it takes courage to show up and be seen in process and before she has mastered the instrument. She’s documenting her mistakes and wrong chords, yes, but also her growth and successes in the joy of song-making!
Most of us don’t want to share anything that feels messy or incomplete or not our best work, I get it. We don’t want to share the thoughts that haven’t quite clarified but tumble out amidst waves of feeling, not the song you are still learning to play on your guitar, not the drawing or doodle that doesn’t look remotely like it did in your head. It takes courage and vulnerability to share the learning, the messy attempts, the wrong chords, the work-in-progress, but I see it as a gift of generosity.
Surprise ( or not) that is exactly what I am attempting to do here with this newsletter and my blog.
Part 2: IT CANNOT BE AVOIDED
The last few years have been a jerky Elaine from Seinfeld dance of both dodging and running toward the idea-direction-instruction-assignment-spiritual urging to share my story. This is not the first time I’ve been given a version of this assignment, but it feels as if each evolution of this assignment requires more of me. More courage, more vulnerability, more trust, more letting go of how I might be judged or received.
Most of my work in life has strummed the internal chord of storytelling. I started out as an actor in other people’s stories, and eventually I added teaching theatre and film acting, directing theatre, creating programs for other’s to share their stories through original theatrical productions, and then I took the risk of sharing a story of my own. In 2015, I wrote and directed Dandelion, a short film based on a very personal and pivotal weekend from my own life.
I kind of thought I was complete. That thought now makes me laugh. Deep down, I knew that I wasn't finished. My spiritual vocation continues to tug at my sleeve. The shape and expression of the work may shift but our spiritual vocation remains steady. It will always require our attention.
As I wrote in my first newsletter, I spent a lot of time and energy last year devoted to the deep healing work of looking back at parts of my life I have long avoided. From this work, I began writing short essays based on memories of those years. I tucked the written stories away not knowing if they had any further purpose other than the healing they provided me and the history that they might provide my daughters and their families years from now as a contribution to our family’s generational healing.
Last year, I took what felt like the next vulnerability leap and started sharing some of my process on my social media accounts. This year, I began sharing snippets from my journals more consistently. Doodles, drawings, quotes, experiences, whatever came through. I launched a blog and this newsletter. Of course I had more than one vulnerability hangover trying to navigate all this. But onward I go because I know this is what I am to do right now. This is all a part of the process.
Part 3 : LISTENING TO YOUR LIFE AND TAKING ACTION
Your vocation may express itself in many different kinds of work, but there always seems to be a golden thread connecting it all. We all have a post to hold in this world. Not a specific job necessarily, but a post, a heart-centered vocation for ourselves and the world’s evolution. If you are still feeling uncertain as to what yours might be, start intentionally listening to your life. Here’s a good place to start.
Everything I am experiencing right now is saying, TELL YOUR STORY. It shows up in meditation time, my journals, my conversations, my morning pages, my prayers, and my collages. There is no avoiding it. I am drawn to the idea of writing a spiritual memoir ( oof, did I just tell you that? ) because the older I get the more I can look back and see that while God didn’t necessarily protect me, God has always mysteriously sustained me, as my teacher Jim Finley often says. A recognition of truth reverberated through me when I first heard that concept. (And please don’t get hung up on the word “ God” as it is simply a word for the inexpressible as I try to speak of the Unnameable Mystery of Love that holds us all. )
For me, in this moment, the shape my work seems to be taking is in the form of a spiritual memoir, but who knows, it could become a screenplay or take another unexpected form. It might mean leading another Circle and guiding others through a similar process as I do it. I’ll know when I know. But the assignment to tell my story is clear (ready or not!) and that means I can’t dodge this it any longer, which also means facing all the layers of resistance.
Next week, I’ll share what the resistance sounds like and feels like to me and how I am moving through it, one baby step at a time.
Thank you for being here and for your witness. My hope and prayer is always that by showing up and speaking my truth by sharing my own process, that it will somehow encourage and empower you to speak yours. I’m here for you and with you. Onward!
Xoxo Mary
JOURNAL PROMPTS:
Grab a notebook or paper and just write your responses by hand without stopping to think about it. Just get curious and let your responses tumble out of you pen or pencil.
What’s going on with my body right this moment? Where in my body am I holding tension? What is happening with my breath?
Today, in this moment, what would I tell a dear friend is my spiritual post to hold in this world? What clues from my life circle back to me over and over again? ( Hint - look for the love.)
What if I already have all I need within me to do the thing I feel called to do? (Don’t argue with this idea, truly consider it.) What it would mean for me?
3 THINGS WORTH SHARING:
Ukrainian liturgy in solidarity with our sisters and brothers. Many of us are finding comfort and solidarity in this way in addition to our actions. Contemplation and Action, friends. Prayer is action, but so is direct action, prayer.
“Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope. And wind the clock…”
E.B. White’s Beautiful Letter to Someone Who Lost Faith in Humanity
Happy Fat Tuesday! Bring on the King Cake. I didn’t have the real deal shipped from Louisiana this year, but this 30-min recipe will do in a pinch. Fat Tuesday comes the day before Ash Wednesday and originated in part due to the desire to eat all the off-limits foods in the household before Ash Wednesday and Lent. It’s the biggest party of the year in Louisiana. Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler!
Let us take good care of ourselves and each other his week.
xoxo Mary