PRACTICING GIVING UP COMPARISON AND LEANING INTO LOVE

Plus My Favorites, Recommendations + Updates for Feb 2023

Hey, Y’all:

It is February… but, still?

Is it just me or does it feel like this February has just gone on and on and on?

We’ve had a lot of snow in Northern Colorado, so maybe that’s part of it. I do not begrudge the snow. I am still new enough here that I love the snow and the sunshine and blue skies that follow. The shoveling of the driveway, not so much. But after years in Louisiana, I’m used to February being the month when temps start getting warmer, the grass is greening and buds begin forming on the flowering trees, so February has felt longer to me this year.

These last few weeks have felt emotionally heightened. Aren’t our emotions supposed to mellow as we get older? I think THE COMMITTEE ( the imaginary committee of those who supposedly know all THE ANSWERS) might have been fibbing. Thankfully my emotional life no longer feels like the ball in a pinball game battered by whatever metal lever of circumstance it hits, but I still feel just as deeply, or more, as I age. Knowing that there are more years behind me than ahead of me brings a different awareness of the preciousness of the passing of time. Or maybe I’m just immersed in my Enneagram 4 -ness.

I am coming off the rollercoaster of the intensity of the Border Encounter experience in El Paso/ Juarez and then reliving it to some degree through my three-part series on Stories From The Border. We have a dear friend in the hospital( going on a few weeks now) a relative who is struggling with his health, and family members going through transitions. On the flip side, Ron and I have begun planning a springtime 40th-anniversary trip to Italy and France at the end of April - swoon, and our youngest daughter and her partner are moving up here in June, which makes my mommy- heart bloom with gratitude. All of this is swirling inside me - grief and loss and celebration and appreciation.

We’ve just entered the season of Lent, and although I am not Catholic, I have found many benefits to following this practice over the years. It began traditionally with ‘giving something up” for Lent, in order to draw closer to God. Then it transitioned to other expressions over the years, like “giving away” items to help others, or “taking on” and focusing on loving habits I wanted to increase.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and I realized I hadn’t given much thought to the idea of how I want to spend this season leading up to Easter. Since I am learning to listen to the first clear nudges that come to me, when it came I immediately knew that the nudge was the mission - GIVING UP COMPARISON.

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Comparison is the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other. -Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart

I still struggle mightily with comparison. It’s almost as if I am hard-wired to compare myself or my work to others. I know now that it started very young and was part of a survival strategy I employed.

How do I compare myself to others? Oh, honey…how long do you have?

It is like a dark clone that follows me around in my daily life. It reminds me of that phrase, “ How you do anything is how you do everything,” you know? The clone of comparison goes everywhere with me except during my contemplative time when I am actively attentive and practicing releasing all thoughts.

It shows up on a daily, hourly basis. I kid you not. And this is from a woman who actively works on healing and self-compassion and seeking out the voice of the True Self.

It doesn’t matter what the topic of the comparison is, how minor or major it is, the HABIT of comparing myself to others consciously and unconsciously and feeling either lacking or superior - ugh, that one is just as bad - that is the real issue. It’s not the particulars, it’s the persistence. It’s not the specifics, it’s the wounded, patterned approach to all things in my life SEEN THROUGH THE LENS OF COMPARISON INSTEAD OF LOVE.

So for myself, for the next 40 days, I am practicing giving up comparison and leaning into Infinite Love, giving itself to me infinitely.

How? Yeah, that’s what I want to know, too. I promise to take notes. But this is what I know I CAN do right now.