THE MEMOIR NOTES # 11: Why Writers Always Say "Just Keep Writing"
You might be astounded by what you discover
The Memoir Notes is a series of real-time notes inside Heart’s Content documenting my process as I write a memoir. I share story drafts with my private community in each month’s intimate, bonus newsletter for paid subscribers, as well as some of my favorite tools and recommendations for the month. Consider becoming a paid subscriber if you want to follow along and read what I’m writing, have a chat about it, and support my work.
Greeting, friends!
And we’re back. I’m sipping hot chocolate and still in my wintery gray and white fuzzy snowflake pajamas because we are going on day three of snow here in Northern Colorado. I hope you are safe and warm wherever you are in this moment.
Sometimes I wonder how it is that people say that they have nothing to write about? There is so much life that happens in the two weeks between newsletters that I often struggle to choose a single topic. Today, I could tell you the long overdue story of meeting my mother’s childhood friends in Louisiana and what I learned about her. Or I could tell you about the more recent reconnection I had after finding my beloved eighth grade teacher from California and our heart-warming conversation, and how surprised I was by the grief that followed. Or how I finally made a first pass- just this morning, at writing about the death of my mother almost a decade ago. I could tell you about the bridges that are starting to form between my past and my present and what it feels like to keep crossing back and forth.
I mean, really, where to begin?
This is what its like to be living your life while and also writing about your past and healing your story. You have one foot in another world inhabited by an entirely alive ( in your memory) cast of characters, and the other foot in your present day circumstances living out the future of that past you. It’s kind of like some weird mashup of the films Interstellar and Memento.
But what seems to serve the most readers here, at least currently, is when I share about my process. So off we go. Here’s what I’ve been up to in regards to the memoir.
I’m back to writing every single day. If this seems daunting or stressful to you, stay with me. This simply means that I have committed to sitting down every single morning with my coffee and writing something, anything. I begin with morning pages to wake up, and then, enlivened by that first cup, I set off to write something. It might be one short scene. It might be a list of memory triggers for what comes next in the story. It might be writing multiples scenes depending on my energy level. This is a return to a steady practice after writing only sporadically in 2023. I was still processing and writing now and again, but now I am back to a daily practice. Every day, after I have written, I make my “Seinfeld X” on my writing calendar.
2. Writing What’s Next: ( or the Hemingway technique, sort of) Each day, when I am wrapping up my writing for the day, I make a quick list of a few things that might be next to write about tomorrow. I can look at it and know immediately where to pick back up. For example: Left off at getting ready for the wedding. Write about how stressed mom was and how unavailable and how you had no idea what was about to happen… the reason for her distance would later be revealed and make sense.
Compiling What I Have Written: About six weeks ago, I started taking all the random memories, scenes and stories I had written and compiled them in chronological order. They had not been written that way. After two years of writing memories as they emerged or as I felt ready or emotionally able to write them, I could now see the accumulation of what I had written all in one place. Um, wow. I was amazed by how much I had already written once I pasted all the different scenes into one document. It is by no means a seamless story but I was still amazed at the work I had done and how much material I had amassed. The sheer amount of words! Memories! Events! I have now written stories that span the years beginning with my parents eloping all the way through my post-college years and wedding to Ron. I am proud, amazed and surprised by what I have been able to accomplish. This is not easy work revisiting your past - your pain as well as your joy. If you keep writing, it will really add up, friends! There is wisdom behind the sometimes annoying Just Keep Writing mantra.
The Biggest Surprise has been how much more it hurt to discover, revisit, and feel the loving memories from my past, when I assumed that the really difficult trauma-infused memories would be the hardest to write. Good news, bad news here: The more you feel the love, the more you feel the loss. Strange as it may sound, it is almost easier now to write the hard memories. I know this seems backward, but the difficult memories are the ones I have struggled with my entire life, and in some ways they have received more attention, even if just the active energy to push them aside or suppress them. Once many of those stories were finally written and out of my body, I had room to uncover and reclaim my happy memories as well, the times when I felt loved and supported. The flood gates of grief and loss swung wide open. Didn’t see that one coming. But I am so grateful to find these stories.
The Unexpected Gifts of Personal Research. I have been reading old letters and piecing together timelines. It is like stepping into a time capsule. I have made discoveries, been reminded of forgotten events, and felt held in love in ways I had long forgotten. I have had these treasures stored away in plastic buckets for decades. Taking the time to actually pull them out and read them as part of piecing together the story of my life has been a gift I cannot describe.
Where I Find Myself Now. I am amazed. Truly. The momentum over the last few months has fueled me to keep going. Even though there are stories coming up ahead that I still dread writing, I know I can do it. I get up from my writing table to get myself another cup of coffee and find myself smiling. Giggling even. There is a new spaciousness inside me that once stored a multitude of memories. The page holds them now in a way that I no longer have to. This is a new kind of liberation. This is integration. This is hope. This is healing.
xo Mary
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A FEW THINGS WORTH SHARING:
THEATRE CAMP - For all the theater kids like me. “We’re theater people, we know how to turn cardboard into gold.” “Camp isn't home…. but is it kind of? …I think it kind of is…”
Currently listening to YOU COULD MAKE THIS PLACE BEAUTIFUL: A MEMOIR by Maggie Smith. A poet writes memoir. It is gorgeous and impactful.
Speaking of poets, this poem by MAIA would not let me go.
From a year ago, still holds true.
This meme.
Because, I mean, the cuteness. Future K-Pop star. Thanks, Judy.
Alternative To Violence Loveland is our giving project for the month of January. Did you know that we share a portion of paid subscriptions to support local service organizations? Thank you to our community of paid subscribers. Your support matters and you are appreciated!
I hope you’ll keep in touch and share a comment below. If you are more comfortable responding privately, simply reply to this email. Either way, I’ll get back to you. Thank you for reading!
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I am so very proud of you! You have worked so hard— you deserve alllll the cheers!
Thank you!